Best Places for Singles to Retire
Category: Singles and Retirement
April 20, 2019 — In many active adult and 55+ communities much of the social life centers around couples. For people who happen to be single, that environment makes it difficult to have a full social life and results in feeling left out. We hope this article can help single people find places to retire where they are happy and feel included.
It would be a mistake to cast all retired single people in the same mold, assuming that all of their retirement needs and goals are identical. Many singles are very happy to go through retirement without a partner. Others are content to be single, but would like to find a place to retire where they feel included and a part of the community. Another group would prefer not to be single, or at least to have more friendships and social interactions than they have now. Regardless of what type of single person you might be, we hope you find this article interesting.
First we’ll talk about specific kinds of places that singles might find attractive as places to retire, and then we’ll include a few Member comments that seem especially useful to this discussion.
Bigger is often better for singles. Choosing too small of a community reduces the potential pool for both friends and dates. Smaller communities tend to have a more fixed social order, so they tend be harder to crack into than larger ones. The range of activities is probably smaller, so you have fewer chances of meeting people. That means that 55+ communities like The Villages, Laguna Woods Village, and On Top of the World, all of which have countless clubs and activities, could be good choices. The Villages, for example, has a very active singles club (see their full calendar!) SaddleBrooke near Tucson and Pheasant Run in Barnegat (NJ) also reportedly have active singles clubs.
Active adult and 55+ communities offer a different retirement experience than living in a town or suburb. The environment for singles can be quite different in a town vs. a 55+ active adult community. Towns have the advantage of churches and civic and fraternal organizations to join, and non-profits like hospitals and libraries where you can volunteer and meet all types of people. In a town a single person probably has a greater range of types of people to meet, if you can find a way to meet them. But in a town, and particularly in a suburb, you might not live as close to your neighbors, and therefore have fewer chances for daily interactions.
In an active community, however, social life usually centers around neighbors (and neighborhood parties), the clubhouse, and all of the activities and clubs that are available. The wider the range of clubs and activities, the greater the chance you will find one that appeals to you, and give you the chance to me meet like-minded friends. Assuming your objective is to meet people and make friends, you have to decide which environment – a town or an active community – is most likely give you the most success.
Most of your success as a single person depends on you. No matter where you decide to live, having a happy retirement as a single person is up to you. People who seek out activities and volunteer opportunities not only tend to feel more fulfilled, but they usually make deep friendships along the way. Those who became single later in life, particularly men, have the greatest risk of feeling lonely in retirement. If they relied on work or a spouse for friends and social engagements, it is harder to learn how to make friends. They will have to make special efforts, like asking people you meet for coffee, lunch, or dinner. Look for local singing, hiking, cycling, or acting groups you could join. There is always someone who organizes the sports or activities in a community – either a resident or a sports pro – get to know them and ask them to set you up in a group.
College towns and cities can be ideal for singles. Both of these type of communities have a big calendar of events, which means that you can be out meeting people in many different venues – from taking adult education classes to volunteering to attending concerts. Small cities like Sarasota or Austin or Boulder have nice downtowns and there is always something to do. Moving to a town where there is an OSHER Institute (for lifelong learning) is another great idea. There you can take classes and not only learn something interesting, but meet people with common interests as well. Interesting small towns with a lively cultural scene like Fairhope, (Alabama) might also be a good choice for singles, since they might offer a chance to meet stimulating people.
Stay away from the suburbs. You might live in the suburbs now. If you have a big web of friends, maybe you should stay. But cracking the suburban social scene as a single resident is one of the harder things to pull off, particularly if you only recently became single.
Carefully evaluate the singles scene in any active adult community. A really good idea is to rent before you buy. Attend some club meetings and take part in sports or other activities that appeal to you. Are there other singles, and do the couples actively invite single people to participate? Award extra points if there is a lively singles club. Many communities have special package deals that let you vacation there at below market rates. Even before you try out a retirement place, check out Discussion Forums on this and other sites about specific communities for hints about the single life in those communities.
Think about moving with your friends. If you already have a solid group of close friends, think about retiring together. That could be as simple as moving to the same community or town, or it could even be shared housing. Cohousing is growing type of living environment. Some architects report that designing homes meant to be shared is a growing business. In addition to instant friends, being able to pool resources and share expenses as you get older is a real attraction.
Social media and online sites can be helpful. Use caution of course, but sites like Meetup.com are great for meeting like-minded people. You can use them to find and join activities in your area, or the places you are thinking about exploring. Another great option is Silver Connections. Meant only for singles and not a dating service, it is designed to help widows and/or singles above age 55 have a group to hang out with and do things together.
Comments from Members on finding a great place for singles to retire:
I’m an active single person with many interests …..favorite places must be a town/small city with diverse fitness activities (rec centers, pools, running and walking trains, must be pet-friendly, has to have a great library system, changeable seasons, close proximity to my favorite food sources (i.e. Whole Foods, Trader Joes, Wegman’s and Fresh Market + Gelson’s and Bristol Farms) …. I haven’t found my ‘perfect’ place as yet, but high on my list of places I love to spend time in (i.e. short time rentals) are Virginia Beach VA, Palm Springs CA, Charlottesville, VA and Tarpon Springs FL. I love the climate(s) in each of these places in specific times of the year and I find that each place has special features that are very energizing as well as close proximity to colleges and universities which provide continuous lecture series and life-long learning opportunities………I also love New York State (especially the Hudson Valley/Dutchess County along the Hudson River) as well as the Poconos in Pennsylvania around Lake Wallenpaupak/Hawley/Milford PA areas………….. Also recommend you read Melody Warnick’s book titled ‘This Is Where You Belong’ …. this book has been selected to be one of the BEST BOOKS FOR A BETTER LIFE AWARDS in 2016 and I have found it to be a valuable resource. (from Fay)
I am single and moved to The Villages in 6/2014. I am renting for a year to see if I like it. Most people who visit buy a home immediately because the place is quite unique. There’s a lot to do and most people who live or visit rave about the community. There are many organized singles groups. Here is a list of the clubs and other info:
Singles Baby Boomers (http://singlesbabyboomers.com/)
Sumter Singles Club (http://sumtersingles.org/)
Single Golfers of the Villages (http://www.sgvclub.com/)
America Singles Golf Association (http://www.singlesgolf.com/chapter.php?chapter_number=1013)
The Villages Singles Club (http://www.tvsinglesclub.com/)
Single at The Villages – Travel Channel (http://www.travelchannel.com/shows/grannies-gone-wild/video/single-at-the-villages)
Talk of the Villages Single Forum (http://www.talkofthevillages.com/forums/singles-124/) This comment came in from Maggie (thanks!):
One of our favorite experts on singles retirement is Jan Cullinane, a frequent editorial contributor to this site and author of “The Single Woman’s Guide to Retirement“. In her book she solicited input from many single women about many different areas: divorce, death of a spouse, working from home, where to live, dating, caregiving, volunteering, reinvention, travel, and staying healthy.
For further reading:
- Singles in Retirement: The Where, Why, and the Issues
- The Best Places for Singles to Retire
- Overcoming Loneliness in Retirement
- Baby Boomers Leading the Charge to Online Dating
Comments: Are you single and looking for a place to retire? Please share your concerns, hopes, and experiences in the Comments section below.
Comments on "Best Places for Singles to Retire"
Jean says:
I'm curious why Fairhope was included in the paragraph Bigger is Better. It is not an active adult community or a large community, rather a small town.
Editor's note: Excellent point Jean. We moved the Fairhope example to a different paragraph since it is not an active adult community (but because of its utopian beginnings it is very different). There are several such active communities nearby, which could be interesting, like the Colony at the Grand and others in Foley, where you could take advantage of the Fairhope experience.
Jan says:
Libraries were mentioned above. They offer book clubs, poetry readings, entertainment, computer classes, guest speakers, and lots of clubs meet there (ours hosts an astronomy club, among many others). Many children's programs are offered as well (meet other grandparents and strike up a conversation). Easy way to meet people with shared interests. (I'm on the Board of Trustees of our local library.)
Join a club and start playing tennis. Tennis has been found to be the best sport - it's social, and good for the mind and body. I'm part of a group of tennis women where I live - some of the women players are married and some are single, but we get together a lot as a group, both on and off the courts. Same could be said of pickleball.
I live in a large master-planned community. One suggestion if you're thinking about one is to find a newer community - people are more open to meeting others. Once it's established, you might find friendships are established as well, and it's a little tougher to "break in." This can be true if you're part of a single or a couple.
Have a dog? Dog parks bring like-minded people (at least when it pertains to dogs) together.
Volunteer. Remember that most friendships start because of a shared interest. Help others while you're widening your social circle.
Jan Cullinane, author, AARP's The Single Woman's Guide to Retirement (thanks for the shout-out, John)
Margaret M Zwadlo says:
I find good advice in your comments and recommendations sections. One thing I would like to know about is how to find information about medical and transportation services for anyone who may need assistance now or later. And how do you learn about new communities currently operating or under development. Thank you.
Staci says:
When looking for information on various types of transportation I check out the website for town and county senior centers. They often offer transportation for seniors. Googling public transportation for the area you're interested in can also help. Don't forget Uber and Lyft as well.
Admin says:
Ann Marie wrote:
Is it possible for the newsletter to address living single and showing other properties other than 55+. Most of these are really not affordable for singles. Life circumstances do not always allow for amassing enough money to afford these properties.
It would be of great help to so many of us. Thank you.
---
We replied...
Thanks for your question. We have a whole Blog section devoted to various articles on Singles retirement, much of which has to do with coping on a budget. See https://www.topretirements.com/blog/category/singles-and-retirement/
In the Blog the "Best Places" and "Financial" categories also have many relevant articles. And we will continue to write about this as we know it is important to many people.
Good luck in your adventures
Judy says:
I would like to reactivate this discussion and would especially like to hear more from Jan Cullinane. I'm considering my next move and am interested in places single woman have found where they are happy and active.
Jennifer says:
Judy, sounds like a great idea! I, too, am interested in places where singles not just live but thrive.
Daryl says:
Yes. I’m weary of the tandem-bike approach to active retirement communities projected in their marketing. We’ve never been attached at the hip and I hate that 50’s couple attitude. I don’t want to spend my time sitting in a ballroom with my significant other. And sooner or later you lose half the duo anyway. Are the majority of communities the Ensure commercial they seem to advertise?
Bart says:
There is no place on this Earth like The Villages, FL. With over 3000 clubs and activities you will be occupied as much as you want. There are dozens of strictly single activities if that is important to you. For example, the largest local chapter in the US of the American Singles Golf Assn. is The Villages.
Kathy says:
Great topic as I am hoping to relocate in the next year.
RichPB says:
Bart, depends on your personality. The Villages sounds near hideous to me.
Here in central NC we live in a larger acreage mixed age subdivision -- average 5+ acres, ours is 10+. Until the leaves fall, we can't even see our neighbors yet we are 20 minutes from some of the greatest medical, educational, cultural and shopping resources in the country. (And we an always travel for environmental diversity :<) We have few amenities though we do have a small community lake and 10-20 minutes.... Mostly great neighbors who do tend to be loners, but we enjoy each other's company without infringing on each other's privacy. Certainly not for everyone, but neither is The Villages. I'm glad we both found our places.
Jim says:
While I am not single we live in Pinehurst NC and are members of the New Comers Club. There are about 500 members and I was surprised how many single people were members. We have a number friends we do things with that are single. If you have an interest in a small town I suggest looking at some of the videos on youtube to get a feel for the area. The cost of living is reasonable. Hope this helps someone.
Daryl says:
White my last comment seemed facetious, I am serious about avoiding situations having an in-group and outcasts, and wondered if retirement communities are as couple-centric as portrayed. Requiring everyone to have a date in order to attend the prom is so high-school. Perhaps that attitude inspires the frantic game of musical chairs portrayed in books and movies about these communities, and I won’t live anywhere that demotes me without a plus-one. My spouse feels the same.
Patricia says:
I have lived in one of those couples retirement communities for the last four years. My husband took gravely ill and had to be cared for in a long-term assisted living facility. I became that ostracized single woman who was left out on dinners, programs, and social gatherings. Married woman are brutal on single women. I would like to assure them that I don't want, nor need their old man. But I do want to live somewhere that I can live happily and participate as a member of the community, and not have to be an isolated loner. I read with great interest your comments about communities that are open and welcoming to singles. My house is for sale and I am looking to leave my current community.
Jennifer says:
Patricia--good luck on your search for a welcoming community. Please let us know what your findings are. Singles do have a harder time being included in events, I found that out once I went through my divorce a few years ago. I do participate in my current (all age) community and I still work three days per week (thank God). I do have friends here, but with Covid, of course no parties or gatherings.
BillyBogey says:
Good Morning. Do appreciate & understand the expressed thoughts. Yes; having Friends is important. Really important!! Does beat talking to the Walls!!
"Zoom" has certainly come in conveniently during the COVID19 crisis.
Cheers!!
b
Jackie says:
Patricia, I am not single and live in The Villages where there are many non Villages woman only clubs that I belong to such as Women’s Dine Out, Women’s Pool Party, Women’s Chick Flick, Women’s Lunch Club, plus several Villages clubs for women only. Some of these clubs have women only groups within the clubs such as golf groups, book club groups, card playing groups, etc. Nobody cares whether you are single or married, all women are included. Besides that there are many single clubs for women and men. You can participate in most every one of the 3,000 clubs except for a handful that are for couples only. On top of all this, I have many single woman friends who either moved here after a divorce or death of their husbands or who lost their husbands after their move here and they all stayed here because they feel safe and are included in so many activities. We have several single woman friends whom we ask to join us when we go to clubs, concerts, theatre and other activities. You can have a wonderful life as a single woman in The Villages.
Maimi says:
Patricia, what you describe is a very real phenomenon. I saw a huge difference in the way women treated me after I got divorced. I don't think there is an easy answer because no matter where we move to, the norm is married or couples. Over time, I learned to accept not being included in weekend plans and devoted my time to my work. I think independent strong women just make some married women feel threatened. Move to where you will find beauty, purpose, and joy and don’t worry about being included into a social group of women like that. I live in a large mostly senior citizen condo development with predominantly married couples. There is a social committee and a club house. They have their parties and events and I just do my own thing and feel a little relieved that I am not included in that small little world of married women.
JoannC says:
Totally agree with Maimi - being single around a group of married women is difficult. I took a foreign assignment several years ago before I retired and was told by a man who had recently left the company that I would not be welcomed by the married women who would all think I was after their husbands. I thought it was absurd but it turned out he was right (and their husbands, besides being off limits because they were married, were not to my taste but I didn't dare say so) Finding a place to retire as a single woman is hard for a lot of reasons and while I once thought I was a rarity (because all my friends are married), I have found an amazing number of Facebook groups for retired single women. A large number of them are trying to decide where to move and share information. The concept of a Golden Girls community is alive and well.
Editor's note: We have a new article on the Blog today that features comments from a variety of Members on best places for singles and how to find one. Check it out at https://www.topretirements.com/blog/singles-and-retirement/are-you-single-and-looking-for-a-best-place-to-retire.html/
Judy says:
Thank you, admin, for the new article! I look forward to more people weighing in on this topic. JoannC, I would love to hear more about the FB groups you are referencing; they sound very informative. Based on a post about The Villages and other information I'm gathering, I think my ideal is a Villages kind of concept, although much smaller, in or near either a medium sized city or college town, in a warm climate with either lakes or rivers near by. (I've learned I need water in my life.) How is that for fantasy?? Actually, true fantasy would be near the ocean, but even I know that's asking too much. Oh, and something I can afford, which is nearly always the sticking point.
Judy Reese says:
Oh, and one more (unrelated) thing: I was looking at COVID rates for my state yesterday. At the age of 66, I'm considered to be in the 'elderly' category! Not older, not senior - ELDERLY! Since I feel about 40, I was shocked, dismayed....and kind of ticked off.
VTRetiree says:
Judy Reese, seems once you hit the 60's especially 65+ you are considered in the 'elderly category'. Like you I am in that group but like you said you don't feel it, neither do I until I walk by a mirror! I have a couple friends that we do things together since we are single through losing our mate or divorce & we say "we are old but we are bold" we do things when we want for as long as we want (up until the covid that is), & we only answer to ourselves!! Stay safe & enjoy you only go through life once get the most out of it NOW no matter your age!!
Maimi says:
Judy, if you don’t mind the 4 seasons of New England, there are lots of condo developments n the ocean as you describe. I live in one that is 300 townhouses on the bay in a quaint college town and close to small and larger cities. I love where I live. Affordability is relative. It is mostly couples, but that is pretty typical. There are some single professional women like me, but I do my own thing. New England is a good place to look for what you describe.
Judy says:
Maimi - I lived in NH for several years, then upstate NY for 40 years. I now live in the south and treasure never having to be really cold or worry about falling on ice or driving in snow. I'm afraid there is no going back to that climate for me. But thank you for responding. If I had the luxury of owning two places, NE would be one of them.
JoannC says:
Judy, One is Single Women Retiring Support Community. There is also a group called Elder Orphans, with a bunch of offshoots depending on where you live. For example, There's a New England Elder Orphans group, a Portland Oregon Elder Orphans group, and I'm sure there are others (but it requires getting over the term "elder" :-) There's also one called Elder Orphan Chat. I would warn you that some of the comments in some of these groups (especially the Elder Orphans group) can get pretty snarky, which is why I never look at posts there. The smaller local groups are much friendlier because the people have met in person and snark is not allowed.
Judy says:
Thanks, JoannC. I found the first one you mentioned earlier today. I haven't heard of the Elder Orphans one. The term Elder Orphans is interesting - considering my rant about being considered elderly at the young age of 66. :) I'll see what I can find, but snark and drama are not anything I can tolerate.
Jennifer says:
Judy, I too face your same reality. I am 66 and feel 35 or 40 as well. In 1979, I remember asking my then 68 year old Grandmother how old she felt and she said about 30. She led a vibrant life with my Grandfather and was President of her women's club in her 90's! You are as young as you feel is a true statement. I do what I feel like doing as long as I feel like doing it and have learned not to push if I absolutely do not feel well for some reason. I enjoy my work(nurse administrator) and say that my next gig will go from three to two days per week. Like my Grandmother, I like the snow and winter as long as I do not have to drive in it--I would hope that in many northern locales that they know how to deal with the snow. My idea is a nice fire with a view of the woods, a good book and an afternoon hot beverage!